Caligula is an Awful Film No Matter How You Cut It

 

Tonight, I took in a screening of Caligula at the Harvard Film Archive. This screening is part of the HFA's Gore Vidal Goes to the Movies series in honor of Vidal's centennial birthday.

I remember seeing Caligula on VHS about 35 years ago and don't remember it being much good despite a cast which included Malcolm McDowell, Helen Mirren, Peter O'Toole and Sir John Gielgud. However, the version we were treated to this evening was not seen when the film was originally released in 1980. This version is referred to as the Ultimate Cut which originally came to light in 2023. Gone are the porn scenes which Penthouse publisher Bob Guccione inserted into the film. But nudity and sex abound just the same. Helen Mirren (who played Caesonia) called it "an irresistible mix of art and genitals." 

Genitals, yes. Art, well, not quite.

This ultimate cut was 3 hours long and featured a 10-minute intermission mixed into the film. As soon as the screen faded to black for the intermission an audience member a couple of seats to my left yawned audibly prompted the loudest laughter of the night. Another audience member asked how much longer it would go on. As it turned out, we had another 90 minutes left. We couldn't wait for Caligula and Caesonia to be butchered to put the evening to a merciful end. Honestly, it doesn't matter how one cuts Caligula. It will be an awful film.

Indeed, with all the Roman garb, I couldn't help but think of Monty Python's Life of Brian or Mel Brooks' History of the World, Part One with the hope someone would say "biggus dickus." Now that would have been risible.

Nevertheless, I could not help but think of our contemporary political times as millions of Americans took to the streets during the "No Kings" protests against President Trump. In some sense, Trump is every bit as capricious as Caligula whether by renaming the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America, his designs on Greenland and the Panama Canal, appointing himself President of the Kennedy Center, threatening to disallow Boston from hosting World Cup games, prosecuting his political opponents and militarizing ICE against undocumented immigrants and American citizens alike. 

The question remains as to how fate Trump will face. Will he return to private life in 2029? Will he run for another term even if the Constitution forbids it? Should this come to pass will he become President for Life, or will someone wrest power from him by force? With Trump, America is very much in uncharted territory.

Aside from provoking thoughts of our current day and age, Caligula has very little to offer. Even the genitalia don't do much in the way of stimulation.